Why Creating a “Social-Worthy” Life is Sabotaging You

We all do it. We scroll through our social media feed and think, “Wow, she really has it together. I wish I was more like her”. Or the person who is always on vacation and you long for that yourself. Maybe it is the friend who lost weight and posts about it over and over. You love these friends. BUT they make you jealous. They make you feel inadequate. Like you should be doing more. Like you should BE more.

The truth is, we only see a small snapshot of their life on social media. We forget to see the big picture and that maybe they are really rocking that one area of their life, but don’t have it all together in other places. Social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life.

I love the conversations that start with, “OMG, did you hear on Facebook…”. Like it is the ultimate know all of our lives. True, it is full of some oversharing, but we take it so seriously!

I took a break from social media for a while. It seemed like every time I was done looking, I just felt sad..or mad. Usually more mad than anything. Stories about people doing mean things to others, children, or animals make me see red around the edges. I also felt like I wasn’t enough as a wife or mom. The repeat of images of what I thought I should be showed up again and again in every scroll.

There is that mom in my feed that is always doing something really awesome with her kids. Some days we do good to get everyone to school and work on time, home in one piece, fed, bathed, and in bed. Much less, some awesome afternoon adventure to anywhere!

My point is, STOP COMPARING YOURSELF BASED ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

That comparison, that I am so very guilty of, steals the joy from your life. You are not that other person, so how can you compare yourself? You were intended to be you. Not her. Not any other person besides yourself. The only comparison you should be making is how the person you are today can be better tomorrow. How can you improve the person you are right now to better fulfill your calling in life?

Face to face communication is getting harder. It is like we are evolving into these people with rectangular boxes in our hands at all times. Look around the next time you are in a restaurant. Look at how many people are on their phones and not paying any attention to the people right in front of them. My husband and I realized we were doing the same thing. We were on a much-needed date night together at a very nice restaurant and we hardly spoke two words to each other. For some reason near the end of our meal, it hit both of us like a ton of bricks. Because of this, we try not to allow our cell phones at the dinner table anymore. I don’t want my kids to ever feel like my phone is more important than them…ever. Goodness knows, we do better with this in some seasons than others, but we try.

How many times have you gotten on Instagram and entered in a time warp? You pick up your phone to check the weather, jump on Instagram for just a minute and then an hour later you still haven’t looked at the weather. It is a time vampire. You will never get that hour of your life back. I don’t mean we should never just check out and enjoy some downtime, but I want to be a little more intentional with my nothing time. As Moms, we don’t get much do-nothing time, so how do you spend yours? I read a book by Lara Casey, “Make It Happen” where she talks about having social media free weekends. Her job requires social media engagement, but she’s made the weekends intentional time. I have tried it for a few weekends. I LOVE it. It makes me more present for my family! Try a weekend and see what happens to you.

I feel like social media is creating these unrealistic ideals. By constantly feeding our minds the highlight reels of what everyone else’s life looks like, we form these opinions on what we think ours should be. It isn’t something we mean to do, it just happens without our awareness. We have to stop should of, could of, would of. I didn’t realize just how much this phenomenon had affected me until I stepped away and took a break from social media.

Here are a few ways to help reduce the time you spend on social media:

• Put all of the social apps in a folder on the last page of your phone. You have to intentionally go there to open them.
• Cold turkey. Delete the apps all together so you have to actually log in to your accounts
• Set a timer before you log in so you don’t get lost in a time warp.
• Pick certain days that you won’t use it, and those that you can.
• Make a list of things you would rather be doing so if you feel tempted, you can pick one of those.
• Don’t take your phone to the bathroom with you.  Why do we need entertainment there, too? 🙂

For an iPhone, you can go to settings, battery, wait for it to load and you can see how long you are spending on each app. Android users can do it too, but I am not sure of the steps. In the last 24 hours, I have spent 15 minutes on Facebook and 8 minutes on Instagram. In the last 7 days, 3.2 hours on Facebook?!?!?! It has been a while since I have checked that and I think I would like to keep that to about an hour a week so it looks like I have work to do too!

I don’t mean that all social media is bad. It great for entertainment, finding old friends, connecting through groups, and spanning time and distance. I am part of a few groups that have been tremendously helpful and some even life-changing.   I can keep up with family I rarely get to see, too.  Social media has a forever place in our society. We just need to be more intentional about how we use it. Let’s use it for good and grace, not for comparison or negativity. Don’t let it take over your face to face interactions or make you miss making memories with those you love.

Can you do one hour less of social media this week? Do you have any other ideas or tips to use it less? Drop them in the comments below or come on over to the Facebook group (Ha! Yes, I know…) and let’s chat about it.